Andrea McTague and Zac Erickson discuss avoiding the pitfalls of conflicts and trying to get to the root of the conflict with the people in your life in the healthiest way possible. What do you do in the situations that become conflictual relationships as opposed to conflictual situations?

Andrea notes that the best place to start is with self because you can control for that. Why is this such a big deal for you in the first place?  Sometimes you are working on a project with someone and you really need that person to do “their half” to progress. Another need is that you need someone to think you are important or make you feel important. The latter indicates a need that does not actually originate from the relationship itself and thus cannot be solved within the present conflict. 

Once focused on yourself, try and determine where that need is coming from. Conflict around functional needs often involves those “tit-for-tat” arguments. We have to sort through these arguments to determine which points are functional or which points are dysfunctional.

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